What Nami Hears
by randomness1868
Summary: Nami hears something she takes the wrong way! Implied ZoroxSanji but not really.


**I've always liked those stories where one character 'overhears' something and begins to think perverted stuff about the others! So I shall attempt to write one! Wish me luck! I don't own One Piece or any of the characters (which is just too bad) so… um… yeah.**

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**What Nami Hears**

It was a bright sunny day on the Grand Line and Nami was spending it with her maps. "30 north, 90 south." She muttered, putting the finishing touches on her newly completed map. She put down her pen and sighed. Between keeping the peace between Sanji and Zoro, checking on Usopp to make sure he didn't blow up the boat with his bombs, and making sure Luffy didn't eat too much meat, Nami had barely any time to herself, and when she did, she was charting new courses for the Straw-hat pirates. Today, she had finished early and was looking forward to sunbathing on the deck, providing the boys didn't cause too much trouble. Sometimes it was hard being the only girl on the boat.

She quickly slid into her bikini and grabbed a towel. After opening the door to her room quietly, she looked around, making sure Sanji didn't see her. The coast clear, she made her way out onto the deck and toward the stern.

Nami had only walked a few steps when she heard a huge crash coming form the kitchen. "What now?" she moaned. She almost considered ignoring it- Sanji would see her if she even went near the kitchen, but then sighed. Sanji or not, she couldn't just leave it be! Nothing would get done, and having an enraged swordsman, a rubber boy who couldn't swim, a bomb-flinging coward and a cook with a good kick fix it, would be like asking Luffy to jump in the water and do a doggy-paddle. It just wouldn't happen. Was she the only sensible one on the ship?

She abandoned her towel in a corner and hurried toward the kitchen. The ship was eerily quiet and Nami began to wonder if she hadn't just imagined the crash. "I'll check just in case." She told herself.

"Ow! You bastard! You pushed too hard!" Never mind, something did happen after all.

"You wanted me to." The calm voice of the swordsman replied.

"I said 'a little harder' asshole!"

"That was a little harder!"

"Look, now I'm bleeding!"

"Where? Let me see." Silence. By now Nami had reached the door to the kitchen. "I don't see anything."

"Right there, look!"

"I told you, 'I don't see anything.'"

"Baka!"

"Bastard!"

"Ass!" Muffled thumps. Another dull crash. Nami reached for the door-handle.

"Ohhhhh!" That made her pause. Someone- it sounded like Sanji, had moaned. Nami felt her face turn red. Her mind instantly filled with thoughts of things that made you moan like that, which she had gotten from Sanji's porn books that he had 'let her look at.' Of course the whole crew knew, but thought better not to mention it to Nami. She would be pissed.

"Don't call me an ass." Zoro replied smugly. He seemed to Nami, a little out of breath.

"Don't call me a bastard then!"

"But you are one."

"That's it!" More crashes and thumps were heard. "Hey! Don't touch that!"

"Get away from me!" Zoro warned. He was still calm, Nami noticed. Apparently meditation paid off. A crash was followed by a thud. "Get off you piece of crap!" Sanji didn't reply to Zoro's insult. "You tore my shirt idiot!"

"I don't care."

"HEY NAMI!!!" Nami gave a little shriek. Her heart jumping, she turned to face Luffy.

"What Luffy?"

"What are you doing?"

"Um."

"Are you trying to sneak a piece of meat from Sanji too?" Luffy asked enthusiastically. "'Cause I was just gonna do that you know. But since you are such good friends with Sanji, you should just go ask him! Oh and bring back me one too!"

"I wasn't-"

"Oh you weren't? Oh that's okay! I'll get one myself." And before she could stop him, Luffy had opened the door and stepped into the kitchen. Nami groaned. She didn't think Luffy had any idea what 'making babies' involved and even less with what… she couldn't finish her own thought. "What are you guys doing?"

"Luffy no!" She lunged through the door and covered her captain's eyes. "Don't look!"

"At what?"

"Just don't look!" she cried, averting her own.

"Nami-swan, what are you doing?" She heard Sanji ask carefully.

"Damn it Sanji! Put some pants on!"

"What are you talking about Nami-swann?" If she had bothered looking at him, she would have seen the hearts in his eyes. Pervert.

"I heard everything baka! You and Zoro were having gay sex in the kitchen!"

"WHAT?!" yelled three voices.

"I think she's lost it." Zoro said simply in the silence that followed.

"Yeah, you're right." Sanji agreed.

"You guys are gay?" Luffy asked.

"Shut up rubber-boy!"

"Can I be gay too?"

"Come on Luffy." Sanji grabbed the excited boy and dragged him out of the kitchen, leaving only Nami and Zoro. She raised her eyes to look at him. Sure he did look a little ruffled. There was a slight rip in his shirt and his bandana was askew. One earring had tangled in the other and he had a slight disgruntled look on his face.

"So you aren't gay?" she asked weakly.

He sighed. "No. And where the hell did you get that idea from?"

"Um."

"Nah. Forget it. I don't wanna know." Zoro left the kitchen and Nami was left to survey the mess. A box had been smashed into the wall, and crushed fruit slowly dripped from its contents. Pots and pans were overturned and a few lay on the floor. Nami shook her head, all business like now and began to clean up the mess.

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For weeks, the members of the Straw-hat pirates looked warily in Nami's direction. Even Usopp, who had had nothing to do whatsoever with what had happened- yet had learned of the incident, regarded her with suspicion. And they all agreed, that they would never let Nami near a porn book again.


End file.
